sometimes i write...sometimes i don't...but most of the times i do it is fueled by a fucking hatred of something and seeing as how i don't have a show on the telly nor one of those popular podcasts the kids are all talking about i tend to write it here...

  haven't written here in a bit mostly due to the fact that most of the things that piss me off these days are not things i change...fucking gits, not being able to find a job that i can utilize this here artistic talent, no money, no significant other...nothing really to blather about because its the same problems that most of us have...cept i keep getting this one problem...people that i let get to close to me inevitably fuck me over. 

  normally i would just drink a bottle of wine and eventually let this too turn into a little ball of hate to add to the rest that festers inside me...but for some reason i CAN'T let this one go...not that she was special...and it's not really even about her...its more about how can i break this cycle that seems to have become the latest motif of my romantic side of my life. so let me set the scenario.

  i started talking to this girl, we both like the same things and met over a similar interest. as we got to talking more and more as the day wore on (i was unemployed at the time so i had all the time in the world to dick around on the net) we talked about how we didn't have the same likes necessarily but we had a same sense of humor, and for me that is  rare thing. not to bore you with the details, things started to get a hot and heavy in our Skype conversation, and well...we had Skype sex...what is Skype sex you ask? Google it, I’m not here to give fucking tips. so this started a quote un quote relationship...kind of...texting back and forth...calls that went on for hours...dirty pictures sent back and forth...we would have met up but she lived a 1000 miles away...so anyways you get the gist. to sum up the, conversations ran the gamut from mundane to what are you doing to today to sexy sexy time...get the picture...one of those "if we were closer we would have been dating” kind of things....so flash forward...i have to leave boston to make the trek back home to moms (another long story) she kept my spirits up, gave me strength...it was not a high point in my life...she started an internship that honestly i didn’t think she deserved BUT i encouraged her to be on time...gave her advice...tried to be there for her when she needed me...the sexting and such continued as well the 2 to 3 hour long conversations. we both knew we liked each other but we also both knew it was impossible to do anything about at this moment...we talked about how when i got a job, saved some cash and moved out to where she was, well when that happened then it was on!

  flash forward to about 3 weeks ago...she is at the internship working and sexting me all day long...telling me all sorts of filthy and fun stuff...IE i cant stop scrolling up and looking at the picture of your cock and how bad i want that in mouth...shit like that...this goes on all the way up to about a week ago...there was an event, she met a fellow fan of the same similar interest that we like as well. the subject nor even a smidgen of an inkling of anything was mentioned of stopping our playful yet NotSafeForWork banter...so as she is meeting up with some of the other fans for diner i tweet "hey i am sending you a pic of my dick for you all!" we have a twisted sense of humor. now that was tweeted ONE for humor and TWO the picture was for her to tease her..next thing i know a mutual friend of all of ours is sending messages to a mutual friend that the girl in question was really pissed at me for sending that to her...enter the new guy...who i know, and was friendly with...well as friendly as i get with people anyways, but i liked him. until he took it upon his self to make this his problem. which it wasn’t. and instead of contacting me directly he talks to aforementioned mutual friend? who then talks to me...i am confused by all of this...one she never gave ANY indication that i was bothering her only because she was telling me that she was going to FUCK HIM and think of me, to which i laughed, only 5 hours before they had met up. and now she is upset that i am sending "unsolicited dick pics" (her words)

so i get off the phone with the mutual friend all working off the knowledge that the guy doesn’t know (nobody did as far as i knew) that we had a "thing", he was just basically being one of those guys who likes to run into a building without looking to see that the top 16 floors are on fire. two days go by...not a word from her...i see that her and the guy are hanging out...seeing the sites...i think its sweet, she is getting one last hooray in the town before she has to leave to go back home herself (she was now in the same situation I am in now) and he is just hanging out with good people.

the day comes she has to leave...she texts me to tell that she is sad and i try to tell her that its not permanent, that she only has to go home, regroup, and go back. basically that same thing i am doing now. to which she sends me a text which was worded in such a way that i read as I was the asshole, in essence it tells me that not to send anymore pictures that it makes her feels wired...hmmmm i say...okay no problem...but why the sudden change-----aaaaahhhhh i get it now. you have a thing for the new guy...OK well just say it then...there is nothing going on between us she says...lieslieslies...and i FUCKING HATE a liar...you can fuck whoever you want just don’t fucking lie to me about it! 

i didn’t answer the text...

then the twitter/facebook lovey dovey bullshit started...i didn’t want to see it...so what happens when you are looking at something that you don’t want to look at...i turned away. i put them in restricted on facebook and stopped following both of them on twitter. I’m fucking hurt...i don’t want to see that shit...but now it comes to my attention that I'M the asshole for doing that. why am i the asshole for not wanting to see that two of you are sooooo into each other...fuck that and fuck you! 

so i told you that story to ask you this...

this is the fourth GODDAMN time this exact same thing has happened to me...why am i so fucking forgettable? why am i the one who always gets thrown out with the bath water? the similarity of the women are different...so its not like i am going after a certain type of girl. 

So this is what im pissed about...

fine...you don't want me..fine...it fucking hurts...but fine. But don't act like I have been bothering you, So don't get all fucking high and mighty and act like I offended you...not when you were telling me that you flipped your bean to my cock picture not but three days before you decided that I was an ass for sending that because you have a new dick.

The new guy I have written off...a douche...fine...the world is full of them.

Fuck...i have no clue...wheres my bottle of red.

NEW RULES (but they fucking shouldnt be)

Klein Rule #20 - If you are over the age of say 21, you are not allowed to yell out the car window...'buy a car" to someone on a bike...and here are two ways it could bite you in the ass...

1) that mutha fuckka probably rides that fucking thing EVERY GOD DAMN day to and from work and will most likely have more stamina and energy and the leg strength to KICK YOUR FUCKING BALLS INTO YOUR STOMACH! because you most likely sit your lazy fat fucking ass on the couch and beat your wife/girlfriend/sister/cousin because she was caring for your fucking demon seed and didnt get your beer fast enough...

2) you drive a truck...with a bunch of stupid ass racing stickers and how you love pussy...very distintive...i ride a bike...you cant hear me when i happen to find your truck and etch in the side "I LUUUUUUUUUV COCK" into your paint...

Klein Rule #214 - STOP with the southern hospitality bullshit...i am southern and there is no such thing...

i have lived a lot of places...north, south, and east.....and i have been west many times...and there are no BIGGER fuck off assholes than southern fucks...at least in new york and boston i expected it...and they were at least funny about being a dick...

i seriously fucking hate the south...with my entire black little heart...

i should probably write something new here...

im on facebook right...and i noticed something...

First let me qualify this, i am divorced...it wasn't my idea, didn't want to be a statistic, didn't really want to marry anybody to begin with...so when it happened, needless to say i wasn't a fan of the situation that i ended up in...fucked me up for awhile...and it added a little more hate to the pile i already lug around like jacob marley...so when i explain my conundrum, i want you to know that i know the bullshit that goes with divorce...

ok so I'm stalking people i don't like on facebook...because that's what you do when it's 3 am and you're two bottles of red in...right?

so i happen across this dude i never really liked to begin with from high school...but that's a whole other thing of why a 36 year old man is still holding grudges from high school...HIGH SCHOOL!

aaaand i see that his relationship status is divorced...hmmm...not surprising, he was a douche...but then i start to think...why the fuck is that an option? on the little drop down menu for your relationship status yeah?

most are understandable...

single, given...

in a relationship, okay...

in an open relationship, never really understood that one it just sounds like "hey i am fucking this one person but if you want to bump squishy bits and if you aren't a total troll ill do it...but if you are a troll you are gonna have to liquor me up first...

it's Complicated, they don't know i have a hair doll of them in the closet...

okay, where was i, oh yeah divorce...

are you that bitter that you have to let everybody know? I'm not saying you have to hide it, oh fuck no, divorcees will tell you their story of woe at the drop of a fucking hat, especially the spurned ones...they love it, yes i am in this boat as well, but now only when asked will i spic that yarn, and if you would like to hear it ill be at the bar drinking that bitch right out of my mind after this...

but i just really don't get it...why not, you know, just put single? Just like a bit a plumage to attract the female, let em know you arent all together damaged goods, and i'm p[retty sure its common knowledge that by the time you get over your 20's most people know that some one else has probably been through the ringer once or twice...

that's what i found to be the best thing to do after a divorce by the by, is to just fuck...fuck anybody...you need to make some BAD sexual choices...just to, you know, snap yourself out of the whole divorce thing...trust me you will wake up beside that one person, guy or girl...especially if its the same sex... and you will have a nice loooong talk with yourself about your choices, in the parking lot of a convenience store, while you quietly sip shitty coffee and smoke a carton of cigarettes and weep...

fortunately for me it was with a really hot fucking tranny...very passable...so i wasn't that fucked up about him...she...it...whatever! they even did the movie thing where the one with the tits sits up in bed with the sheet wrapped around thier boobs? I JUST SAW THEM FOR LIKE AN HOUR why wrap up now? they are right there, chest level, its not like a guy where the ugliness is hidden...but i guess if its a tranny you have that too...ok ok ok enough about that...i share too much with you people as it is...

so back to the divorce. i just don't get it, i never did it, never put divorce as my status...it just doesn't feel righteous to me...now getting hammered and screaming about it to some guy in the bathroom while you drunkily do his coke, now that has righteous fury to it...

i just try to picture it in my head...the person that makes that choice...

"hmmm open relationship? well if you count that bitch legs were open to everybody while we were married!...

single?, no not feeling it, besides now that I'm heaped with the 20 extra pounds of emotional baggage it feels like another person on my back..."

i just cant see the anger in "FUCK HER! *ca-lick*...HA! that will show her!"

so i guess what i'm saying is... don't let them win, don't give them the satisfaction in knowing that they made a choice for you! thats YOUR facebook...you choose whatever the hell you want it to be. if you want to be in a civil union with a half and half then you go right ahead! own your social media and don't let anybody dictate to you what you will choose from the drop down menu!

then go rub it to ladyboys from thai land...

HEY HEY HEY dont judge!

yes im still about...

no i still don't like you...

ok so i have a hypothetical for ya...lets say i have the money, i buy starry night by van gogh...its mine...i own it now...NOW i paint over it...but i make it photo realistic instead of the swirly van gogh style...its the same painting...but i "MADE IT BETTER" and then i present it to the art loving public...

after the beatings from many an art lover and the wholesale kick in the ass from the over all art community (which, lets be honest, is a dwindling community) i would be ostracised, tagged a hater of art...an imbecile...BUT you know damn well there will be at least five people who like mine better than van gogh's...

was it worth me doing that to van goghs painting to get everybody to see the atrocity that i have wrecked to van goughs painting plus the five new people that have come on board and the revenue that would accrue?

Or should i have just spent the money to take it one tour or at least promote the life of van gogh and hope that would inspire people to go in search for other van gogh paintings...

this is the question i ask myself when i see big hollywood buy the rights to Girl with the Dragon Tattoo or Let the Right One In or any other foreign cinema and re cast it with prettier actors, shove in more action and strip away character development and take anything that was worthy about that piece of Art and McDonalds that fucker up for american audiences...

Smoke 'em if you got 'em -

Klein

OK two things that are burning my ass right now...

ONE) if i have to hear one more actress/model say "im such a geek" as an excuse to prove your geekness imma slap a bitch with a ewok...either you are or you are not, both are fine life choices you do NOT have to tell me you are a geek, it will become apparent whilst i either engage you in conversation OR i will see your musings on twitter or some other such outlet...

Here i'll give you a test miss geek two thousand and eleven, Have you ever at anytime EVER switched to doggy style sex OR stopped giving head so that you can watch your favorite scene from a movie...GUESS WHAT? you're a geek...and being so you don't have fucking announce it in every magazine article someone writes about you...The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wasteoids, dweebies, dickheads... we can smell our own and don't need to be told that you are one of us...

TWO) wait a minute im still fuming from the last one...OH YEAH i remember! ok can everybody PLEASE put away your quote books now, i do not need to know every god damn thing the dali lama ever said, nor do i give a fuck, because bin laden took one in the brainpan. Your friends and family and everybody you are connected to on social media does not need to be deluged with quotes and funny yet wise quips from your iphone app...besides the lama is an asshole...don't believe me? first watch the Pen and tellers bullshit season 3 episode 5...THEN do what i did and then do a little more research on there claims, guess what your gonna find out...all these fantastic bits of wisdom people have been spewing forth our entire lives have come from self serving, holier than thou jackasses...here i'll give you one more quote from another jackass i know...Don't be an asshole to other people...that one's from me, you're welcome...

okay, we good? good...*lights cigarette*