sometimes i write...sometimes i don't...but most of the times i do it is fueled by a fucking hatred of something and seeing as how i don't have a show on the telly nor one of those popular podcasts the kids are all talking about i tend to write it here...

  haven't written here in a bit mostly due to the fact that most of the things that piss me off these days are not things i change...fucking gits, not being able to find a job that i can utilize this here artistic talent, no money, no significant other...nothing really to blather about because its the same problems that most of us have...cept i keep getting this one problem...people that i let get to close to me inevitably fuck me over. 

  normally i would just drink a bottle of wine and eventually let this too turn into a little ball of hate to add to the rest that festers inside me...but for some reason i CAN'T let this one go...not that she was special...and it's not really even about her...its more about how can i break this cycle that seems to have become the latest motif of my romantic side of my life. so let me set the scenario.

  i started talking to this girl, we both like the same things and met over a similar interest. as we got to talking more and more as the day wore on (i was unemployed at the time so i had all the time in the world to dick around on the net) we talked about how we didn't have the same likes necessarily but we had a same sense of humor, and for me that is  rare thing. not to bore you with the details, things started to get a hot and heavy in our Skype conversation, and well...we had Skype sex...what is Skype sex you ask? Google it, I’m not here to give fucking tips. so this started a quote un quote relationship...kind of...texting back and forth...calls that went on for hours...dirty pictures sent back and forth...we would have met up but she lived a 1000 miles away...so anyways you get the gist. to sum up the, conversations ran the gamut from mundane to what are you doing to today to sexy sexy time...get the picture...one of those "if we were closer we would have been dating” kind of things....so flash forward...i have to leave boston to make the trek back home to moms (another long story) she kept my spirits up, gave me strength...it was not a high point in my life...she started an internship that honestly i didn’t think she deserved BUT i encouraged her to be on time...gave her advice...tried to be there for her when she needed me...the sexting and such continued as well the 2 to 3 hour long conversations. we both knew we liked each other but we also both knew it was impossible to do anything about at this moment...we talked about how when i got a job, saved some cash and moved out to where she was, well when that happened then it was on!

  flash forward to about 3 weeks ago...she is at the internship working and sexting me all day long...telling me all sorts of filthy and fun stuff...IE i cant stop scrolling up and looking at the picture of your cock and how bad i want that in mouth...shit like that...this goes on all the way up to about a week ago...there was an event, she met a fellow fan of the same similar interest that we like as well. the subject nor even a smidgen of an inkling of anything was mentioned of stopping our playful yet NotSafeForWork banter...so as she is meeting up with some of the other fans for diner i tweet "hey i am sending you a pic of my dick for you all!" we have a twisted sense of humor. now that was tweeted ONE for humor and TWO the picture was for her to tease her..next thing i know a mutual friend of all of ours is sending messages to a mutual friend that the girl in question was really pissed at me for sending that to her...enter the new guy...who i know, and was friendly with...well as friendly as i get with people anyways, but i liked him. until he took it upon his self to make this his problem. which it wasn’t. and instead of contacting me directly he talks to aforementioned mutual friend? who then talks to me...i am confused by all of this...one she never gave ANY indication that i was bothering her only because she was telling me that she was going to FUCK HIM and think of me, to which i laughed, only 5 hours before they had met up. and now she is upset that i am sending "unsolicited dick pics" (her words)

so i get off the phone with the mutual friend all working off the knowledge that the guy doesn’t know (nobody did as far as i knew) that we had a "thing", he was just basically being one of those guys who likes to run into a building without looking to see that the top 16 floors are on fire. two days go by...not a word from her...i see that her and the guy are hanging out...seeing the sites...i think its sweet, she is getting one last hooray in the town before she has to leave to go back home herself (she was now in the same situation I am in now) and he is just hanging out with good people.

the day comes she has to leave...she texts me to tell that she is sad and i try to tell her that its not permanent, that she only has to go home, regroup, and go back. basically that same thing i am doing now. to which she sends me a text which was worded in such a way that i read as I was the asshole, in essence it tells me that not to send anymore pictures that it makes her feels wired...hmmmm i say...okay no problem...but why the sudden change-----aaaaahhhhh i get it now. you have a thing for the new guy...OK well just say it then...there is nothing going on between us she says...lieslieslies...and i FUCKING HATE a liar...you can fuck whoever you want just don’t fucking lie to me about it! 

i didn’t answer the text...

then the twitter/facebook lovey dovey bullshit started...i didn’t want to see it...so what happens when you are looking at something that you don’t want to look at...i turned away. i put them in restricted on facebook and stopped following both of them on twitter. I’m fucking hurt...i don’t want to see that shit...but now it comes to my attention that I'M the asshole for doing that. why am i the asshole for not wanting to see that two of you are sooooo into each other...fuck that and fuck you! 

so i told you that story to ask you this...

this is the fourth GODDAMN time this exact same thing has happened to me...why am i so fucking forgettable? why am i the one who always gets thrown out with the bath water? the similarity of the women are different...so its not like i am going after a certain type of girl. 

So this is what im pissed about...

fine...you don't want me..fine...it fucking hurts...but fine. But don't act like I have been bothering you, So don't get all fucking high and mighty and act like I offended you...not when you were telling me that you flipped your bean to my cock picture not but three days before you decided that I was an ass for sending that because you have a new dick.

The new guy I have written off...a douche...fine...the world is full of them.

Fuck...i have no clue...wheres my bottle of red.